I know the day will come // I know, and I fear it // I fear waking up knowing // that now, I walk alone.// How shall I live, then?
Lost and Found
Here Lies Youth
"Hurry up, there isn't much time left." I have lived half my life. My thirtieth decade is slowly drawing to a close and if I am very lucky, I have about the same time left as that which I have already lived. So, dear Youth, what have I done with Act 1?
To Lose A Child
"One day, I will cease to be and you will go on." We love our children so they can keep living long after we have swiveled out of this world. But life can throw our expected timeline for a loop. My grandmother, shown with her second son in this photo, was the mother and soul... Continue Reading →
Insomnia Ray of Light: Those That Came Before
During the night's darkest hours, fear can find me. Fear that I will keep falling until I hit something sharp and crack my skull open. The pulsating wound that ensues lets everything seep out into the open, covers my last spider web thin connection to sanity with heavy blood until it snaps and cuts me... Continue Reading →
The Truth About Titanic (And My Valentine, Had We Celebrated)
"Women and children only, please. Stand back and let the women and children through!" Titanic, 15 April, 1912. The iceberg has ripped through the most gigantic passenger ship in history, whipping up the human cargo into a panic-stricken frenzy. There aren't enough life boats to go around. As the grim reality is slowly sinking in,... Continue Reading →
Me, My Soul and Tolstoy: A Mother’s own Confession
During my own mind's most confused hours, long gone Tolstoy spoke to me from beyond his grave. I am his spirit forever grateful for sharing his own struggle and awakening in A Confession. I know the publication of the same resulted in his exclusion from the circles in which he moved, but having experienced the... Continue Reading →
The Echo of a Life: Tribute to a Friend and Mother who is No More
I once had a friend, but she is no more. Her presence left imprints in me and bettered my life at the time. As a child, she could organise her stuffed animals into elaborate social structures and families and play with me for hours. As a teenager, she explored black mascara and lipstick with me... Continue Reading →
The Inherent Beauty and Sadness of a Mother Paying it Forward
I put my youngest daughter to bed just now and as I felt her firm grip on my hair relax and her breathing grow heavier, a thought crept up on me. By mothering her, I am preparing her for life without my presence. She is my replacement. If our lives follow the natural order of... Continue Reading →
On Mama's Mind 